Shabbat Shalom!

I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I’ve written. Honestly, there hasn’t been anything to share. It felt time to circle back.

In services last night, I spoke about about today being Tisha b’av, and chanted a bit of eicha (lamentations), my heart ached. It ached for all of the loss and suffering of our peoplehood since the fall of the first Temple, and reminded me that every generation of Jews has faced tragedy… we must mourn each loss, and do what we can in this life to bring light to a still broken world. Put that into perspective and this infertility struggle is merely a speed bump in a epically blessed life.

Apologies for the heavy food for thought… It’s easy to get wrapped up in the self and resetting the big picture can’t hurt.

You came for the update. Let’s get to that…

The 3 healthy embryos have been on ice and I’ve been experiencing summer… the last two weeks I journeyed three countries with amazing people who have become incredible friends… part to lead fellow Jews on a mission to face our heritage and history… and the rest, a bit of a retreat from reality and a last hurrah before… life gets more real than ever.

We met with Dr. Shapiro just before I left three weeks ago. Chazz-Mama joined the chazzband and I to get the details. We have three equally healthy embryos, mixed genders, and when we’re ready, we can implant the healthiest one.

Fast forward to this week. I returned Wednesday night, and hit the ground running Thursday morning with blood tests and ultra sounds to confirm my body is ready to start new meds and prepare to transfer the first embryo from its frozen state.

I have a date. It’s quickly approaching, but I’m not sharing it because if it takes, it’s my pregnancy date. The doctor explained that we will know 10 days after this date, but the rest of you shouldn’t know for 51 days.

Candidly, it’s better this way. I’ll need quiet time. To process. What I’ve felt anxious about accomplishing now seems so soon, and I’m scared… excited… nervous… uncertain… unsure… will I be a good mother? Will I be what a child deserves? Can I do this? Can we do this? It will be better to process those questions without the world knowing with us.

Therefore, for now… this will be the last blog until after Sukkot. Wishing you all a Shana Tova.

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