I’ve wanted to pee on a stick ALL DAY.

TMI? I know, but may I remind you that you asked for the unapologetic tell-ALL?

That’s what I thought. 🙂

Today was not only physically and emotionally challenging, it also felt like a tug-o-war with my own brain and heart.

The day started with a funeral at 9am, teacher orientation at 10, hospital visit at noon, work on the Holy days and Beatles Shabbat at 1… and because we were definitely missing a life cycle… a shiva memorial (not the same from the funeral) at 5. A poetically juxtaposed day, reminding me… so is life.

By the time I got home to be stabbed in the rear with the daily progesterone, it was just past 8PM… I was nauseous (yeah yeah) and felt utterly full.

Full? Yes. Filled to the brim.

I was honored to spend the day facing life head on. The sad, the broken, the hopeful… and all filled with love. The month of Elul made a grand entrance into the day… (Its presence helped me to stop thinking about the stick.)

Elul began last night. The month in our Hebrew calendar that helps prepare us for the High Holy Days, the Days of Awe. It’s spelling is said to be an acronym for Ani L’dodi v’dodi Li, I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.

What does this verse from Song of Songs mean for us? At least for me… in this moment…

We have been calling out to our Beloved (The Creator), and the response is so far in the distance, we can’t really hear it, but we trust that God is there. The future is uncertain… But if we slow down, face our own heart, and walk into this time of Elul with grace, gratitude, and intention. Then, as the Holy Days arrive, we will stand face to face with our Beloved… the response, our b’sheret (meant to be), will be clear.

When I asked the son-in-law, at shiva, how he was holding up… he said, “This is life. It was time.” He was totally at peace with his loss.

It made me pause… “If he can find peace with this loss, you can certainly be at peace with the unknown a few more days. THIS IS LIFE. If it’s time, we’ll know in due time. Stop rushing what you’ve waited a lifetime for.”

The wonder of Elul inspires us if we allow it. May we all focus our hearts this Elul and may the quiet reflection elevate us to holiness in these days ahead.

BTW… Wishing a happy first day of school to all the teachers and their students!