We hit a milestone. Half of a year!

Our baby boy has been with us six months, and completely changed every moment of everyday.

Looking back, it’s blurry. The early days ran into each other. Somehow, they felt like slow motion… and now it’s all gone by so fast.

Every single day I question if I am being a good enough Ima. Adding the layer of a pandemic has made me completely toss out ideals of limited screen time, having a nanny to help, and introducing a schedule of trying new foods and having strict naps.

I yearned for a transitionary period until six months where I could partially work from home… and a month after being back in the office, the universe shut down… so I brought my computer home to work 60+ hours from my dining room table. A world suffering from illness and strife wasn’t what I envisioned as a reason to work from home… but that was the cards dealt to many of us.

It hasn’t been an extended maternity leave like so many have suggested, “How nice you’ve had these extra 3 months at home.” Yes! Absolutely! I love being home with Emmett… but it’s not leave. It’s a juggling act. It’s feeling guilty that he isn’t getting my undivided attention. It’s blowouts in the middle of zoom calls, it’s making calls to the sick while feeding, it’s trying to get as much as possible done during nap time, and praying for five more minutes of sleep so that I can finish a social media post.

I am overflowing with gratitude for my mom who could have been wallowing in her complete loss of income, but instead used it as an opportunity to babysit her grandson a minimum of two days a week… and often more… so that I can have even more productive days working from home.

Postpartum is real, but I’m managing it so much better than expected. Perhaps a blend of amazing family and friends, and an incredible husband has done the trick. (He really outdid himself on this quarantined first Mother’s Day… a picnic with my favorite brunch foods, nap time (for me), new workout clothes, and so much more.)

My hair is falling out. It’s real and it’s disheartening… but knowing that it’s normal and not permanent helps. My hormones are trying to even out, I can feel it in my mood, cycle, energy and anxiety levels. I’ve lost the pregnancy weight, but this body will never be the same. I look like a deflated balloon… and have to tell myself that I did amazing things to have a body that looks like this. I carried human life for ten months… that’s insanely cool.

Bottom line is… while the whole world shifted, our little world shifted too. There is no room to sweat the small stuff, we get to watch a human grow and discover everyday (when he reaches for his toes or smiles at the dogs… It leaves me speechless with awe), and I’ve confirmed that it is true… women can do ANYTHING… we CAN do our jobs 110% and still be a full time mom.

We are blessed to have a six month old bundle of absolute joy and innocence. He LOVES his bottle, making silly noises, laughing, music, mornings with daddy, bedtime with Ima, daytime naps in grandma’s arms, meeting new people and doggies, seeing familiar faces, his crib (hallelujah!), touching soft surfaces, knocking everything over that is in reach, sleeping on his belly, hearing his name, petting all the puppies, walks in the sunshine, car rides, and bath time. We are blessed. We aren’t taking one single day for granted. We look forward to the world reopening, and hope for healing of our economy, and most of all for every human suffering from this virus… Thankful that Emmett will never know the pain and hardship this pandemic has caused, but instead, will benefit from the extra hours spent in our arms… filling our hearts to the brim.

Happy un-birthday my dear baby boy. Here’s to six very special months that made me an Ima!